From Dilbert…

So here’s your humor toolbox:

1. Pick a topic that is current.

2. Put something in the wrong context.

3. Make someone in the scenario a loser.

4. Add familiar and mundane elements to ground the joke.

5. Create a solution or logic that almost makes sense but doesn’t.

6. Use sarcasm and exaggeration if necessary.

I’ve been doing a lot of self improvement reading, in my attempt to give my life direction in the post travel era.

If you don’t like self-help or business books, skip this post. However, if you are open to the possibility of growth through reading and altering your behavior, these books all have the power to change your life. (In no particular order)

1. The Art of Non-Conformity – Chris Guillebeau
2. Unlimited Power – Tony Robbins (Go ahead, roll your eyes Byran, and then get over yourself and read it)
3. Influence – Robert Cialdini
4. Linchpin – Seth Godin
5. Ignore Everybody – Hugh MacLeod
6. How to Win Friends and Influence People
7. Rework

In a separate category of good, but not necessarily epic
1. Never Eat Alone – Keith Ferazzi
2. The 4 Hour Body – Tim Ferris

Woke up really late again, and had a slow start and then a quick breakfast. We decided the one big thing we wanted to get done was the Louvre so we headed over there. Turns out the Louvre sucks, and the art there is terrible. The Mona Lisa may be the worst painting I have ever seen. However, I liked the Spanish painters the best, followed by the French, and the Italians the least. I did like the really massive paintings as I think it’s impressive to be able to create something so large without getting lost in the details. After the Louvre, we came back to the apt for naps and some snacks, Euchre, beers, and then out again. We bailed on the electro dance party we were planning to attend due to a 30 Euro cover and decided to go to this favela chic place which definitely looked like a favela. Pre favela we went to some super high end bar very similar to death and co in the east village. Super expensive really really well made drinks, very LES styled insides and a pretty dapper bouncer. After a few rounds there we headed to the favela place and we were really pumped but they assured us there was no way they would let in 4 dudes with no chicks. So we headed to our plan B but were unable to find it. Along the way we stopped for gyros and met two French girls on vacation in Paris. They had some destination in mind and invited us to join but we all walked around aimlessly before finally finding it. By the time we got there though, the place was pretty empty/weird scene, like 90 year old man with no shirt on weird, so we decided to bail and just get a decent night of sleep.

Spent another long day walking around the city capped off by a visit to the Arc D’Triomphe. Pretty amazing view format the top, 8 roads converging in a circle at the Arc. Really great day of walking around and Russell explaining all this stuff going on. Naps and then dinner with Leigh Russ me and Fo at some famous steak restaurant which is Peter Lugers style. You just tell them how many people and they bring you steak and french fries in the most ludicrous steak sauce. Everyone licked their plates clean. Our waitress was this really sweet french woman who chatted with us all night and made jokes about the fact that i had hidden a wine bottle under the table for apres diner and forrest opened the coke she brought him with the wine opener we have been carrying around with us. After dinner we met up with Jon Beardsley and some other girls who knew Emma Haberman from high school. We went to some jesus bar which had religious paraphernalia all over the bar and looked like a frat basement with a bathroom with porn magazine cut outs all over the place. It was a chill bar and we all just kicked it for a while and then decided to get some wine and head down to the water. Somehow Russ had met some boxer who had fallen in love with him and legitimately would not go away, so he said we were all going home, and was planning on going with this guy, trying to ditch him at some point and then coming to find us. Within like 5 minutes i get a call from Russ saying that this guy asked some guy for 3 Euro and when the guy said no and lightly pushed him away this guy smoked him in the face, the dudes face exploded, sirens started blaring and Russ ran away. He met up with us on the banks of the Seine where we camped out and went through a few bottles of wine. There seemed to be a bit of a party on the other side of the river so Russ and I went to check it out but it had slowly dispersed by the time we got there. There was a high class party on a boat parked on the side of the river and we tried to sneak/talk our way in but there security guards didn’t think it was comical in the least and quickly escorted us back onto the shore.

Woke up late and did a long walk towards Notre Dame and the little thing on the hill. Notre Dame is pretty impressive as to be expected, and just in general the cities architecture is magnificent, never seen anything like it. Around mid day my sickness really started to drain me so we sat down for a minute and then decided to take the metro to our destination. We hopped out and climbed up a big hill and at the top got a pretty spectacular view of the city. After that we headed home and took some naps before meeting up with Herbert and Meg for the Spain world cup game. I was still so exhausted that I had to bail and go back to sleep and skipped dinner and then met up with them around midnight at some bars post dinner. The 3 hour nap was necessary and I felt a million times better and we proceeded to crush some beers and shots and champagne at a Rugby bar as we ran into some of Russ’ old friends who were Rugby players. Then Herbert lost her necklace so Russ went to go look for it with her and we headed to some other bar that supposedly had a dance floor but it was literally all old dudes like 50′s and so we went back to the front and got 4 beers and 4 shots for 80 EURO! After that we headed home.

Woke up late and did a long walk towards Notre Dame and the little thing on the hill. Notre Dame is pretty impressive as to be expected, and just in general the cities architecture is magnificent, never seen anything like it. Around mid day my sickness really started to drain me so we sat down for a minute and then decided to take the metro to our destination. We hopped out and climbed up a big hill and at the top got a pretty spectacular view of the city. After that we headed home and took some naps before meeting up with Herbert and Meg for the Spain world cup game. I was still so exhausted that I had to bail and go back to sleep and skipped dinner and then met up with them around midnight at some bars post dinner. The 3 hour nap was necessary and I felt a million times better and we proceeded to crush some beers and shots and champagne at a Rugby bar as we ran into some of Russ’ old friends who were Rugby players. Then Herbert lost her necklace so Russ went to go look for it with her and we headed to some other bar that supposedly had a dance floor but it was literally all old dudes like 50′s and so we went back to the front and got 4 beers and 4 shots for 80 EURO! After that we headed home.

The girls came with us to Tivoli which was cool but a major rip off. We did one ride which was basically swings that spin around a really tall pole which gives you an amazing view of Copenhagen, a truly beautiful city. Other than that we chilled on the green, walked around and had some churros basically just killing time before we had to head to the airport for our flight to Paris.

Arrived late at night and all crashed at Leighs apt, walked down the street to grab a beer and sample the Paris night life in the square right down from Leigh’s apartment. We then decided to walk towards Notre Dame and grab some wine and drink it by the Seine and Louvre. Pretty chill evening and then Russ took me to his old neighborhood to show me the apt he and Suzie party used to live in.

We roused slowly and made our way into town to get some sushi to see if we could start putting healthy things into our bodies and nurse them back to health. After sushi, we did some laundry, went to the park for some wiffle ball, and generally just attempted to waste the day away. Fo and Russ went to an internet cafe for coffee and catching up on “real life” while Emma and I went shopping in preparation for the nights bbq. Pernille and Helene arrived around 7:30 and they cooked up some pesto pasta. In addition we made peppers, salad, burgers, potato salad, and hot dogs. A pretty epic feast. Emmas rooftop is a luxury style with hardwood on the top running the length of the building along with wood tables and comfy chairs, lights and a propane grill. It’s pretty baller and I’m pumped to make good use of it this summer. Tine showed up late to the feast around 11 with one of her friends Tove and we played a game of pass the pigs, drank a few bottles of wine and headed into her bedroom for some boce, jack daniels, and general mischief. Emma and I passed out early because we were both sick.

I woke up Day 4 having lost my voice and having such severe pain in my throat that it felt like someone had put a hot poker down my throat, not sure how that happened. The camp was an absolute disaster and everyone felt like death. We decided to bail on Day 4 of the festival and just head home early. After getting some breakfast and water in us though, we felt a little bit better and decided just to hang around and participate in the destruction. All around us, the festival came apart. At around 5am that morning the “animal camp” across the street from us had put on the theme from the lion king and massacred their camp before exiting. We used the whiffle ball batt to swing at just about anything that might explode in an interesting fashion, mayonnaise, tennis balls, wine bags, beer cans, etc. We were all in that delirious post 3 day binge still hungover and feeling a little crazy haze that you sometimes get. It was a pretty awesome morning capped by filling 5 gallon freezing cold water jugs and dumping them on members of our campsite who had fallen asleep or were caught unaware. No no one had the energy to attempt any of the concerts despite a pretty good lineup for the last day, so we all played wiffle ball, ran around a bit, and then headed out in the early afternoon. The devastation at the festival was pretty amazing.

We made it back to Emma’s apartment a severely depleted crew and decided to go out for a quick bite. I got pizza, and the rest of the crew got pasta from a new place that had opened up. Everything was delightful and we made it back just as it started to get dark around 10:30PM. We threw in wedding crashers and everyone passed out.